Learning to Sleep
by unnbrella
Summary: "Are you okay?" Sarah finally asks, and Clementine tilts her head, only staring back at her in confusion. "You- you were making noises in your sleep."


Summary: "Are you okay?" Sarah finally asks, and Clementine tilts her head, only staring back at her in confusion. "You- you were making noises in your sleep."

A/N: If you love music recommendations like I do, please listen to 'Learning to Sleep' by Bad Bad Hats while reading this. I feel like it really helps set the tone for this story. I listened to it on repeat while writing this and the title and the lyrics also happen to fit the story really well.

(gay if you squint)

* * *

Learning to Sleep

* * *

 _In my dreams, you've started reading someone else's books_

 _Won't you tell me what it means, tell me what it means_

' _cause I've never been lonely before._

* * *

Sarah wakes to the sound of soft cries. Distant and faded, but still close.

She props herself up on her elbows, disoriented from the sleep, and rubs her eyes with her forearm. She was always a light sleeper; a convenient feature to have these days.

It's well past midnight, and everyone in the cabin had turned their lights off hours ago.

She leans towards the side of the bed, finally finding the source of the noise.

Clementine lays asleep on the floor next to Sarah's bed, something they had put together for her last minute with one of Sarah's pillows and a couple of old wool blankets.

With so many others living in one house, every room including the living area was already occupied, so Sarah had offered she stay in her room. Clementine wasn't exactly ecstatic about the idea, considering she would much rather have her own room and not have to interact with anybody. She didn't exactly trust anyone in the cabin yet. But any room is considered a luxury these days, and she figured Sarah's floor was much better than the cold shed.

Sarah lies on her stomach as she peers down at the sleeping girl.

Clementine is squirming in her sleep and constantly snapping her head side to side, mumbling words that Sarah can't quite make out. Her hand peeks out from under the covers, holding the blankets all the way up to her chin.

"Clementine?" Sarah whispers.

Clem freezes, silence suddenly filling the room as Sarah feels a sliver of hope that she might've woken her, only for the girl to start back up again a moment later.

"Clem?" Sarah asks once more, raising her voice slightly this time.

After a moment, Clementine begins to blink into consciousness and Sarah watches intently with wide eyes as Clem finally notices her staring at her expectantly.

The bedroom is dark, their faces only illuminated by the cold blue of the moonlight.

"Are you okay?" Sarah finally asks, and Clementine tilts her head, only staring back at her in confusion. "You- you were making noises in your sleep."

She creases her eyebrows in confusion, then after a moment the words hits her all at once and her eyes widen in realization.

"I'm fine," Clem replies, her voice lacking any emotion as she rolls over on her side dismissively.

"Oh… okay," Sarah stutters, far from convinced. She examines Clementine's backside since she had completely turned away from her. "Well… if you ever want to talk about it, I'm always here to listen."

A moment of silence lingers in the air and Clementine swallows the lump in her throat. "Thanks," she says in a low voice, figuring she should at least say _something_.

"I know we don't really know each other that well but I know that it's always nice to have someone like that." Sarah continues.

While listening to her speak, Clem squeezes her eyes shut in an attempt not to cry right then and there, wishing she didn't have to be reminded of the fact that she has no one, but she knows Sarah doesn't mean anything by it. A silent tear trickles down her cheek anyway, soaking into the pillow beneath her. It takes everything in her to not wipe it away and draw unwanted attention to it.

"Well… good night." The older girl says after hearing no response. She figures she must be tired and wants to go back to sleep, oblivious to Clementine's silent tears.

Clem can hear the creaking of the bed as Sarah rolls over to the other end, suddenly missing her presence by her side. She slowly peers back over her shoulder, trying to catch a glance of Sarah who is now too far away for her to see. An eerie silence fills the room.

"Sarah?" she asks hesitantly, her voice barely audible.

"Yeah?" Sarah whispers back.

Clementine pushes the blanket off her and sits up fully, now hugging her knees to her chest and staring at the ground longingly. She quickly wipes the itchy tears off her cheek with her sleeve.

Sitting up as well, Sarah finally notices the solemn look on the girl's face and she's suddenly unsure if she said something wrong. Anticipating an answer, she studies Clem whose eyes shift back and forth across the floor, completely avoiding eye contact. She looks as if she's deep in thought about something, unsure of what to say.

"Maybe I do wanna talk about it," Clementine admits, mumbling the words.

"Oh," says Sarah, shocked at how embarrassed the girl looks all of a sudden. "Okay… Was it about those monsters out there?" She shifts back to the edge of the bed, now closer to Clementine.

"Yeah," she says, "and other things." Her gaze lingers on the ground in front of her, her arms tightening around her knees as she shifts uncomfortably at the mention of 'other things'.

"Like what?" Sarah asks, suddenly very concerned for the other girl. Whatever she means, it doesn't sound very good judging by the haunted look on her face.

"Just… horrible things," Clem responds.

"Tell me about it," Sarah encourages in a soft voice as she crosses her legs beneath her, ready to listen.

A moment of silence passes by and Clementine figures there's no reason for her _not_ tell Sarah about anything. She's a sweet girl, and Clem knows how fond Sarah is of her.

"I'm… walking through the woods. There's other people walking in front of me but… I can't tell who they are. Even from the back I don't recognize them. It's almost as if they don't have faces. They're just… there," Clem describes, recalling every image in her head.

Sarah sits in silence, waiting for her to continue.

"Then out of no where… this walker starts attacking me and I can't find my gun. So I start screaming for help, but no one even turns around." Clem remains frozen in place as she speaks, her arms still wrapped around her knees and her tired eyes staring into nothingness.

"I think there's more of them… just coming towards me all at once. So I scream louder, but it's like no one even knows I'm there."

Sarah can't help but hear the slight crack in her voice. Clem looks so scared and confused as she describes her dream, like she's reliving the whole thing all over again.

"Then I see the walker's face, and… it- it's me." It comes out sounding like a question, like she's shocked at her own words. She locks eyes with Sarah. "She looks exactly like me."

Sarah's eyes widen, feeling unsettled. She can only image how horrible it must be seeing yourself as one of those things. In her eyes, Clementine is anything _but_ a monster.

"Next thing I know, I hear a gunshot, and I wake up in this… meat locker." Clem grimaces at the last part, a disgusted expression forming on her face.

"There's no windows or doors and I can barely breathe. And there's blood everywhere." She can't help but see those horrifying images in her head again. It's something she's never been able to forget about. At this point, she doesn't even remember that Sarah's in the room with her, and she's slowly losing herself in the memories of the past.

"And there's all these… machines. With blades and stuff."

Sarah finds her heart beating faster at the description, frightened just from imagining such a place.

"I look in the mirror and… there's a bullet hole-" she points her finger in between her eyes, still looking down at the ground, "-right here. And there's blood coming out of it." Clementine raises her chin to look up at Sarah. "Then I woke up."

She pauses for a moment and the older girl just stares back at her with wide eyes. Clementine can tell she has clearly disturbed the girl, but for some reason she doesn't even care about that right now. At this point, she's just tired but knows if she goes back to sleep, the dreams will probably come back again. It's happened before. The poor girl hasn't had a restful sleep in about two years.

Maybe she should just lay here and pretend to be asleep until the sun rises instead.

Clementine sighs, assuming by Sarah's silence that she probably doesn't understand and she must sound crazy to her. Her head hangs low again and she turns away, ready to lay back down, but she freezes when she hears Sarah's tiny voice.

"It wasn't real, you know," she begins slowly, "I know, I've had nightmares before too."

Clementine closes her eyes and quietly exhales, bothered at how untrue that first statement is. But it _was_ was there… in that meat locker. They had taken her and thrown her in there and left them for hours, just waiting for their turn to be chopped up into tiny bits and eaten by cannibals. She doesn't say that though.

She knows Sarah is trying to help, but she doesn't _really_ understand. At least, not what Clem has been through… what she's _seen_.

"But… you're safe now." Sarah reassures her in a hopeful voice, and Clementine feels the corners of her lips lifting at her optimism. She wishes she were still so pure.

"Yeah," Clementine pretends to agree, not seeing the point in doing otherwise. She may be safe in this cabin for now, but _no one_ is really safe anymore. That's just the way the world is now.

"Maybe if you just think about your happy place, you'll go back to sleep faster," advises Sarah.

 _Her happy place._ That's a phrase she hasn't heard in a long time. Although, thinking about such a thing would only make Clementine regret thinking about it in the first place. Still, she ponders on the term, and she's momentarily lost in the images of her parents, her treehouse, _Lee…_

 _They_ made her happy… once.

"Or you can try counting sheep. That's worked for me before," Sarah continues.

Clem closes her eyes, anxiety suddenly overwhelming her as the uneasy feelings from her dream rush back to her just from the thought of sleeping. "I don't wanna go back to sleep."

"Well… I can stay up with you if you want." Sarah suggests, "We just have to be quiet, otherwise my dad will get mad if he finds out we're not sleeping."

"Okay," Clem agrees hesitantly, wondering why he would get mad about something so insignificant. It's strange, the things she worries about in comparison to herself.

When she responds, Sarah is already cautiously lighting the candle on her bedside table, the room suddenly illuminating and casting a warm orange glow in between them.

"Oh, wait!" beams Sarah as she excitedly rolls over to the other side of the bed and begins rummaging through some drawers.

Clementine attempts to peer over the mattress to see what it is she's looking for but can only make out the top of Sarah's hair from where she's sitting on the floor.

Finally, the older girl straightens up as she brushes a few strands of hair out of her face with her fingertips. She's now holding a book in her hands and looking down at it with a satisfied expression.

The room is still dim but Clementine can see her face so much clearer now. She's not wearing her glasses, and Clem realizes Sarah looks rather pretty without them on.

"Whenever I had nightmares, my dad would always read to me to get my mind off it," Sarah informs.

Clem snaps out of her daze to notice the other girl's arm extended out to her with the book in hand, but she doesn't make an effort to move and just stares at it instead. She's not used to people being so friendly to her. Especially someone she barely even knows. And when it does happen, it's just confusing.

"Peter Pan was always my favourite. It's nice because in the end, the family adopts the Lost Boys into their home, and they're not lost anymore."

Clementine hesitantly takes the novel and examines the front cover. It looks like it was made a hundred years ago, which she assumes it probably was considering these old fairy tales are so traditional. It's stained and the corners are beginning to curl up from being so worn out. She can tell Sarah has had this for many years as she flips it over in her hands a few times. She almost forgot books existed.

"Hold on," Sarah throws the covers off her and waltzes over to the window. She pulls the curtains tightly together, covering the sliver of moonlight shining through. "We're not supposed to have lights on during the night time. My dad says it attracts the monsters," she says, perching back on the bed. "Just don't tell him, okay?"

Clementine smiles reassuringly. "I won't, I promise."

Sarah warmly returns her grin and gestures to the novel in Clem's hands. "I was thinking maybe you could borrow it, if you want. Maybe it'll help you get rid of your bad dreams."

Clementine begins to flip through the first few pages. She stares at the words, making more of an effort than she should to read them, but they all end up jumbling in her brain and she feels overwhelmed from seeing so many letters at once. "I…" her shoulders slouch in defeat, "I can't read," she murmurs, barely audible.

"What?" Sarah exclaims.

"I can't read this," she repeats, her voice grieving. She closes the book and rests it next to her, suddenly not wanting to look at it anymore.

"You mean you never learned?" Sarah asks, baffled.

"Well, I started to," she begins, "We would read in school sometimes but… I was still learning when all of this happened."

Since everything fell apart, she never really _had_ to read anymore. She knows it's such a normal thing for people be to able to do, but two years went by without her reading anything at all, and now she's out of practice. It isn't until this moment that Clementine realizes how illiterate she actually is, and how unusual that is for someone her age. Her education only extends as far as first grade, and it kills her to know that's probably as far as it will ever go.

"I was only eight, you know," she adds.

"Wow… I forgot how young you are," Sarah gasps, "You act older than your age."

Clementine scoffs softly at that statement. "I have to," she says simply. "Sometimes you have to do things that no one your age should ever have to do."

Sarah's eyes widen in intrigue. "Like what?"

She smirks weakly, a list of answers coming to mind. She shakes her head subtly, reaching for the book again and handing it back to Sarah. She inhales deeply. "Thanks, but… I think you'll have better use with this than me."

"That's not true. I'll help you!" Sarah protests, refusing to take it. She shifts to the side and frantically pats the mattress next to her. "Here, sit with me."

After locking eyes with her for a moment, Clementine hesitantly crawls up onto the bed in silence and plops down next to her. Sarah generously flicks the blanket overtop Clem's lap, a wide grin on her face.

As Sarah opens the book to the first page, Clem reaches down to grab her pillow from the floor and hugs it tightly in her arms. Her bed is pretty small for two people, but they manage to fit comfortably together and Clementine can't help the rare feeling of warmth bubbling up inside her.

After sliding her glasses on, Sarah starts by reading the first few pages aloud, then manages to encourage Clem to read the next part. She drags her fingertip along the page and squints her eyes when she comes across a word she's not quite sure how to pronounce, which Sarah gladly assists her with. Clementine speaks at a much slower pace and Sarah explains to her certain definitions when she asks about them.

The two of the them lose track of time as they fly through multiple chapters together, until at one point, Clementine asks Sarah if she would read the rest to her since she's beginning to feel her eyes become drowsy. After a while of listening to Sarah read and following along with the words and pictures, Clementine can't resist when her eyes drift over to land on Sarah's features as the girl narrates on about mermaids and pirate ships, completely lost in the events of the story.

She notices how she speaks with such wonder and puts on different voices at times, like she's acting out the entire thing. And Clementine forgets about the story for a little bit, because she realizes that in this moment, she feels so safe. Like nothing can hurt her anymore. It's been so long since she met anyone even near her age, and being with Sarah just reminds her of what it's like to be a kid again.

For a while, she can't remember the horrible things that lay outside the cabin walls, and she forgets about her nightmares. They're so far away from her now, they can't touch her anymore. And for the first time in a long time, Clementine feels like the world is normal again.

With the dim candlelight comfortingly flickering next to them, Clementine finally feels herself fading away, her body sinking further into the bed beneath her. Her eyes flicker closed, and she falls into a deep sleep with the sound of Sarah's soothing voice echoing in her head.

She hasn't slept so well in years.


End file.
